The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
By Stephen R. Covey [The following is a synopsis of The 7 Habits]

People are shaped by the paradigms they accept as irrefutable. Some of those paradigms prevent individuals from achieving their full potential, ex: “I will never be happy” leds to that person never truly being happy. A paradigm shift is therefore necessary to make you more effective as a member of a family, community, and species.

Covey argues that the 7 Habits are a) extremely basic and obvious, b) apply everywhere/universally, c) the ‘true north’ principles of a character ethic that is timeless.

YOU need to internalize the 7 Habits using three methods:
1) Learn it: understand the material contained herein.
2) Teach it: the best way to learn something is to teach it. It will give you a sense of social commitment to the material, and cultivate the habits by helping others. Being a teacher puts you in different role; if you really want to significantly change your/or someone you love’s behavior, give them a new role. Change their position in the social dynamic: make them the teacher as well.
3) Live it: be the change you want to see in yourself & the world.

The way to see your role in the world is to change your paradigm.

[IMAGINE THIS SITUATION]: The subway in New York on a Sunday. It’s a quiet morning. Suddenly, a father with 5 children enters your subway car. The kids are unruly, loud, noisy and uncomfortably for all passengers. The kids are yelling, making a scene. You turn to the father and say; “Sir, I was wondering if you could control your children?” He turns to you slowly and timidly says; “I guess I should….We just got back from the hospital….their mother just died this afternoon, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it. Neither do I.” Your paradigm is changed immediately. Now you want to offer help. Attitudes shift suddenly and yet the external world has not been altered at all…why has this happened? Think about it. Attitude matters.

Self-Determination: It isn’t what happens to us that effects our behavior, it’s how we interpret what has happened to us and our behavior; we can get a different paradigm in our thinking: we are capable of changing ourselves.

What Is A Habit? It is a principle you internalize, especially if it is a habit of effectiveness. In business, for example, a principle is to value a customer, and you might internalize that principle: it guides you regarding a) knowing what to do, b) the skills used to do it, and c) the attitude to want to do that thing. A habit is the same:

YOU need:
a) the knowledge to know what to do;
b) the skills to know how to do;
c) and the attitude to want to or know why to do. These three elements must converge to become a habit. YOU need to know what to do, have the skill to do it, and the attitude to want to do it.

Dependency, Independency, Interdependency: All of nature and society is interdependent. You need to become interdependent not dependant or independent.

Dependency is the attitude of you: I blame you for failures, it’s your fault that this didn’t work out. It’s everyone else that is responsible for my situation. Society, government, and the economy….

Independence is the attitude of “I”” For example, “I” will do it. Independence get what they want through their own effort. I can achieve what I want to achieve, thank you very little.

Interdependency is the attitude of we: We will do it and we can accomplish it. They require their own effort and the help of others. We can only be interdependent after moving from dependency to independency, and finally to the goal of interdependency.

1st, you need to understand the Habits 1, 2, 3: You need to deal with the personality habits of the independent character. You are the personality ethic of your self as long as you are not an iceberg. You don’t want to develop life patterns that are manipulative, seeking quick fix ideas, ways of getting what you want now by whatever self-destructive means necessary. You want to avoid that kind of personality. MORE after the jump.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
By Stephen R. Covey
[The following is a synopsis of The 7 Habits]

A CLOSING STORY

• It’s a dark and stormy night in the Atlantic Ocean, the communication officer runs from the bridge to the captain’s quarters and to say;
• “Captain, there is light in our sea lane but it will not move out of our path!”
• The captain exhausted in his bunker says “Well, tell them to move starboard!”
• Minutes later the communications officer returns to the captain’s quarters stating that the person at the other end of the line has signaled back to the ship the following message: “No, you must move starboard.”
• This enraged the captain. He got dressed rapidly, put on his captain’s hat, threw on his war medals, and rushed to the bridge. He could not believe the situation as the light was now extremely close to the bow of his ship.
• The captain turns to his communications officer and says “Let them know who I am.” The officer quickly signaled: “This is the HMS Dreadnought ordering you to move starboard immediately.”
• The person on the other end responded. “Yes, well this is the light house.”

Correct Principles/Habits are lighthouses: they do not move. We cannot break principles, we cannot force principles to change; ONLY we can change. We must learn to accommodate them because they free us and empower us.

T.S. Eliot once said:
“We shall never cease from exploring,
And the end of all of our exploring,
Will be to arrive where we began
And to know the place for the first time.”

We already know the 7 Habits but what is common-sense is not practice. That’s why:
We need to learn the 7 Habits,
We need to teach the 7 Habits,
We need to live the 7 Habits, and through this we will become lighthouses in our own lives.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
By Stephen R. Covey [The following is a synopsis of The 7 Habits]
HABIT 7: Sharpening the Saw.

[IMAGINE THIS SITUATION]: Someone is sawing down a tree. You say, “What are you doing?” She says, “It’s obvious that I’ve been sawing this tree for hours.” You say, “I bet you’re tired.” She responds, “You have no idea.” You say, “Well why don’t you sharpen the saw?” She says, “’cause I’m too busy sawing, you goof!”

Take Time to Sharpen the Saw:
Have you ever been too busy driving to take the time to get gas?
Sharpening the saw means preserving the four dimensions of your nature.

Your physical self: stretching aerobics, exercise. Maintain your repertory system. The key to energy is oxygen.

Your mental self: Read, learn constantly, seek to understand the world around you.

Your spiritual self: Renew your commitment to your value system. Do it in a way that is congruent with your own philosophy. Think deeply about fundamental issues> it is providing leadership. Then the mental planning is habit 3. You visualize your roles and goals each week, then you review that each day you are also in habit 3.

Your social emotional self: Do Habits 4, 5, 6. You will seek a win/win, listen, a provide creative problem solving. Come up with a better psychological agreement. If it is well done in a balanced and regular way, you will entrench the 7 Habits.

You need to exercise these four dimensions REGULARLY. This will help to maintain the other 6 Habits of Highly Effective People.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
By Stephen R. Covey

[The following is a synopsis of The 7 Habits]

HABIT 6: Synergize: When people come up with a solution that is better than what they both wanted alone: that’s called synergy. It’s not the same as compromise.

“Find a new and better solution”: You want to go on vacation at a lake to go fishing/but you want to go on vacation in B. You could be into martyrdom: they win, you lose. OR you could be into authoritarianism OR you could agree to communicate.

You have to say: let’s find a solution that we would both feel good about.
I understand why you want to go on vacation to see your ill father but understand that I to take the kids fishing as well. A mutual understanding will not always be lose/win, we create something that is not necessarily compromise. You could agree to go to a lake near her father. It’s Win/Win because you have satisfied both interests & your relationship is strengthen by this decision.

Compromise means 1 + 1 = 1.5
Legal, industrial disputes end up as compromise.
But synergy says there more than the sum of their parts.
EX: I want the window closed, She wants the window open.
Why do you want the window closed? A: Papers are being blown around.
Why do you want the window open? Q: Fresh air.
What can we do? Open the window in another room.
[{The key point}]: Is that when people communicate with respect, then they can come up with solutions that work for everyone, and it is better than the sum of its parts.
Canada is an example of a society that is not compromise but a synergy.

You can make a better alternative by being creative. Get deep in 4,5,6 AND use your creative capacities to produce opportunities to Win/Win.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
By Stephen R. Covey

[The following is a synopsis of The 7 Habits]

HABIT 5: Seek first to Understand, then to be Understood:
If you want to interact effectively with someone, you first need to understand them. Seeking to understand before being understood is a paradigm shift because most people want to be understood. Once you feel understood, you are open, happier. You need to be empathic. Understand how the other person feels. It is so much harder to listen than it is to speak.

Don’t prescribe from my own experiences: A father says; “I don’t understand my son because he won’t listen to me.” Wrong attitude father> I already understand him because of my own autobiography. The assumption that your experience is transferable is always false.

Why People Don’t Listen: If you deeply listen to another: the risk is that you might be changed and unless you have a changeless value. People who pretend to care very little for other people’s opinions care too much about those opinions. That’s why they are not listening. They are too vulnerable and insecure about themselves.

“Let me listen to you first.” The collective monolog, dialogue of the deaf. Communicate, listening then expressing. Empathic listening: practice at night.

[IMAGINE THIS SITUATION]: I was in the hotel room, and participants were there to make a major deal. It looked as if I was going to lose the deal, however. All my eggs were in one basket. I had nothing to lose because the deal was obviously sunk, so I decided to use Habit 5: I decided to listen, and then be understood. I said let me understand your position: I really want to understand it. “I sense you want this, you worry about this, and if you don’t get this you are in danger. I understand you.”
& the business man got the deal. If you meet the person on their level they will feel validated, and be understood. That is more important than the technical dimensions of the deal. Making someone feel understood….